This is not a perfume; it's a financial statement you wear. I put one spray on in October and I think I'll be able to smell it until March. It's a rich, dense fog of antique books, spiced holiday baking, and the faint, noble smoke from a very refined cigar. My only complaint? I wore it on a summer beach vacation and three separate people asked if I had a fireplace they could stand next to. The projection is so strong, my taxi driver asked if I was carrying a small kiln in the trunk. 10/10, worth selling a kidney for.

I bought this because I wanted to feel powerful and unapologetic. I got that, and then some. The opening lavender is so bright and aggressive, I feel like I need a power suit just to spray it. It doesn't walk into a room, it announces its arrival with a keynote speech. It's like the 80s, but with better marketing. The vanilla in the dry-down is fantastic, but you have to fight the lavender and the orange blossom for three hours just to get to the good part. Great for intimidating a rival at brunch, terrible for a quiet night in.

Okay, first, the bottle is chic, I love the gold. The scent, however, is not 'Goddess.' It's not a mythical being commanding respect. It's a very nice, elegant, and fluffy vanilla hug. I was hoping for the scent of volcanic ash and eternal judgment, maybe some ozone. Instead, I got gourmand aromatherapy. It layers beautifully, though! I sprayed it before my last Zoom meeting and three different colleagues changed their screens to pictures of puppies. It’s comforting, but I still had to do my own work. Maybe the Parfum version is where I finally get my divine intervention.